welcome to the doll house

hubby made this.

 work in progress.

Dorothy thinks it's her house.  I let her think that too.

I've been wondering how to get peace in my soul lately.  Eat chocolate?  Done that.  Pray?  done that.  Look at sea shells and smell beach air?  Haven't done that enough.  My cats bring me peace as I hold them and smell their lovely fur.  Laying with my husband and son and animals on the bed  brings joy and laughter.  Shouldn't I be a very peaceful person?   Lately, I find myself very anxious about money, financial matters,worrying about losing the house,worrying about my son, my father, you name it.  I would love to unscrew my head and put it on a shelf at those times.  But, this is life.  And I know everyone else out there has worries too.  Even the ones who seem so together and talkative.  I mean those moms who flock to the other moms when they  drop their kids off  at school.  I find myself purposely avoiding the moms because I don't like morning chatter.   They are always buzzing about their frenzied weekends with girl scout outings or trips here and there.  I guess it's the damn mother's guilt I have all the time.  I should take my son to all the Chicago museums.  I should take him to train museums and the art institute.  We have quiet weekends that are good for the boy.  Those fun  outings cost money and we are in short supply of that.  And...... the boy has sensory issues with crowds which limit our options.  So, when grandpa wants to take us to a fancy brunch for Easter, hubby and I love the yummy brunch.  But son, he is miserable, even with the game boy. He hates the fancy food.  He won't talk to anyone. Oh, the sadness to see him like that.  The guilt.

So, peace is what I seek in my soul.  Peace that I am doing enough for the boy.  For finances.  For keeping the house.  For my marriage.  I seek peace and forgiveness for myself so I will stop hurting my spirit with the guilt of the mom who wants to please.  Hurts can be healed.  And peace that is sought, will come.

Peace comes to those who search.



Oh Gwynnie you goopster

Is there nothing that Gwyneth Paltrow cannot do?  She does SNL, (and she's funny!), Ironman, Estee Lauder commercials, Goop!!, movies, oh yea Glee, modeling, singing with Huey Lewis (ay caramba) and now country singing!  Oh yea, country singing on a country awards show live!  Didn't she do a travelling gourmet cooking show with Mario Batali?   Think so! She wrote a cookbook I heard.  I hope it's about macrobiotic eating!  I love shit like that!

And she married that dork from Coldplay!!

Me thinks she does too much.

She's like those oh so popular chicks in high school with the straight A's, on cheerleading AND an athlete. I wonder if she barfs into bags after a big awards dinner like on intervention?  Just curious....

She has talent.  But the Goop website is so over the top horrific.  What average person eats the food she does and has personal trainers and travels all over enough to rate restaurants in france and spain?  Gwynnie can.....and does!!! 

I kinda want her to just go retire in England with that multi bracelet wearing, seizure dancing, no talent husband of hers and re name her kids.  I want her to go away.  Far away.  In fact, better yet, I want her to move to Berwyn, IL and live in an apartment and eat frozen pizzas for a while and watch Judge Judy and Maury Povich. 

One more thing Gwynee, suck it!!

Holly Bobo and all the others

Holly Bobo is missing in Tennessee.  Her brother reported a man in camouflauge taking her out of their home at 7:30 in the morning.  There was blood seen nearby reportedly.  I can only pray and shake my head, why.  Why.  Why are so many women abducted, raped and killed.  I'm not saying she is gone.  I hope she is alive.  But as time goes on, hope fades slowly.  Elizabeth Smart was taken from her own bed in the middle of the night and became a virtual sex slave and "wife" of that who needs to know his name guy.  Just finished "Crash into me" book  about Liz Seccuro's harrowing rape by 3 men on campus and the apathy that met her from the University's elite.  One of the rapists wrote her some apology letter admitting to the rape.  And beating, judging from the details in the book.  She had him arrested and he served a few months. Not enough. The other 2 rapists are just living their lives in silence surrounded by a wall of soundproof.  Morgan Harrington was taken from a concert parking lot and killed.  Her body was found in a nearby farm field.  She had many broken bones it  was reported. She was alone.  She was thrown away like garbage.

And there was Natalie Holloway.  And Lacey Peterson.  And Drew Peterson's ex wives.  And so many more.

I have a son.  I know he could get abducted and killed too.  Why does it seem like the young women are in this web of violence?  What can I do to teach my son to be compassionate and kind and aware?  This is so epidemic.  Nothing ever seems to change.  So when I read those God----- articles in  Time and Newsweek talking about helicopter parents who hover over their children's every move....I am still.  We cannot protect every child from predators.  We can hover and hover and hover.  We can pray for the girls who did not have a chance and who were victimized.   And for the boys who are taken. We can fight these people  and fight for victim's rights.  And we can be still.  And in our stillness, we can remember the ones who fought the enemies.  I hope Holly is fighting and will return home soon.  I am scared.

monday morn with my squirrel

Squirrel is our torti cat picked out by our son.  At first I thought she was fugly.  Only loved the himalayans.  Now, I see her true beauty is her peaceful, calming soul.  She pleases me just by looking at her, and some pretty fake irises.  If people don't like cats, then I don't like them.  They have no soul.  Cats carress your soul.  Dogs are fun like toy trains.  But cats are little buddhas in fur.

Dermatology adventure

I  broke down and went to a dermatologist after battling  chin acne for 2 YEARS on my own.  Yea, I'm stubborn. I tried to do it on my own! The dermatologist "nurse" was REALLY TAN.  I'm like, WTF, isn't the sun bad for you?  She looked dissapprovingly at me and says,"so what is your product you use daily?"  I'm like, um, I've tried toothpaste.nail polish remover, nail polish,  salt, otc acne creams, compound W, you name it.. and gosh darn it, wouldn't you know, none of it worked!  I tried to be jovial and  she looked at me like I was crazy.  You can't say I didn't try.  She gave me a sad look then  asked if I had rashes, and I responded no.  It's cystic chin acne due to impending menopause I blurted out.    Geez, I gotta diagnose too, lady??  She asked me if I still had my period.  Ooh, she's trying to say I'm old?   The heavily accented doctor came in, asked me if I was Polish, and told me to lift my chin up. He did not touch my face. He also asked me about rashes.  After 5 seconds, they left the room and conspired a plan.  The tan lady came back and gave me a sample of something.  And......BYE!!    They don't want to deal with people like me. Bigger fish to fry I suppose.   I put some compound W back on it later.  That's what's in that Proactive acne stuff I hear.  I also hear from some people that menopause is a bitch.  For me, it's not that bad.  Besides being vengeful, I enjoy wearing less clothes and loving my rubenesque figure and teen age looking skin.