Thank you

A Christmas feast, indeed.  Crab legs, crab cakes, shrimp, tiny potatoes, old bay, lemons, and real butter.

And a glass of vino.

  Hubby wanted to take some down time after working  night shifts and fixing crains attached to box cars on the railroads.  The night before christmas break, he was stranded on a box car for an hour and a half at 4 a.m.   But that's another story for him to tell.

  Guess he just wanted  our favorite meal and.....just us.  The night before we celebrated with my family to great success.  Traditional turkey and trimmings and wonderful gifts abounded.  We exchanged gifts with his family a few days before christmas at his request.  His family is large, and a cast of thousands was not on his list of relaxing things to do.  We received so much from everyone this year.  I felt sheepish and low in a way.  But, I suppose family knew that we struggled with a lot of issues this year.  Least of them was unemployment and the threat of losing the house.

I mulled that one over so many times.....there are family members, but no where realistically to go.  Not with the pets......the child.........the vast array of things we possess now.....NO WHERE TO GO.

People remembered us this year, and for that I am grateful.  Homelessness is a terrifying prospect.  Not for me, but for our child.  I feel as though I could endure through anything.    But my child.......I cannot destroy his life.  My "business" has been null nov. and dec.  Oh, the guilt.  But, as hubby said, it was our turn to receive.

I think I enjoy giving more.  I feel so vulnerable and beholden to a degree, upon receiving great gifts. 

But I really need to just say thank you.  Thank you for having a home to raise our child in.  Thank you for my father.  Thank you my child is in regular school.  Thank you for our health.  Thank you for my sister's healthy outcome after colon resectioning surgery.  Thank you for the bountiful christmas feast.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

If I am in a tizzy of anxiety in the morning because of petty problems, the two word mantra is there for me to take.

Thank you.

Death Penalty for pedophiles

I'm not going to use stats in this post.  I'm just writing from the heart since I'm the only one who reads this blog.  I strongly feel pedophiles who have enough strong evidence, particularly DNA evidence against them.....should be eliminated from this world.  After reading about Sandusky, hearing about someone here in Illinois who was repeatedly molested by a catholic priest, reading about the constant rapes of children......there is no answer but to eliminate the problem.

Kill them.

I have worked with children my whole life and I am a parent of an 8 year old boy.  I would feel this way regardless of that, but I know if someone did anything to my boy......let's just say I would fear for them.  My husband would go berserk.  We would be maniacs.  The rage we would feel is huge.  I feel horror  for the victims now.  The unnamed victims out there who are suffering now at the hands of some hulking Sandusky-ish person.  The ultimate monster under the bed.  The evil ghost in the closet.  The boogeyman. 

I am talking about the type of pedophile who grooms children with gifts and trips and money.....then rapes them repeatedly over a number of years.  Usually the children are dumped after they reach puberty.  These guys, (and they usually are guys, rarely women) keep molesting over and over and over and over and over.....until they are caught and put in jail  or until they die. 

They don't stop the aberrant sexual behavior because they cannot.  If there is one absolute in life it is this:  Pedophiles will return to sexually abusing children repeatedly forever.  They do not rehabilitate.  They do not get "cured".    They do not stop.

I think we need to get medieval on their asses.  They need to be put to death.  Electrocution, gas chamber, beheading, firing squad....whatever.  They don't need to be put up in jail, have meals delivered to them, and have air to breathe.  They don't need short sentences, getting out of jail for good behavior, probation, psychiatrists, or counselors.

They need to die.

They murder the souls of children and let their bodies live.  Meanwhile, "survivors" are left to deal with the carnage that is their"life".  They frequently become alcoholics, drug addicts, promiscuous, depressed, and more often than not, suicidal.

If there is a God within our construct of thought and prayer, let pedophiles be put to death.

Long live the innocence of children.

God bless us everyone

Best Christmas cookies ever

I'm not the best food photographer.  That's obvious.   But these cookies are the best I have ever had (tied with chocolate chip cookies).  They are soooooo delicious you won't believe it and they are easy. 

Recipe:

Preheat oven to 325 degrees, mix 1 cup butter, 1/2 cup sugar, 1/2 tsp. salt,1 and 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract, 1/2 tsp. almond extract, 2 cups of flour.....Chill dough for an hour.  Form into balls, put thumbprint in and  fill with whatever filling you like.  I like cherry pie filling, but my son likes just plain.  I know the pic doesn't look that great, but believe me, they are divine.  Bake for 15 min or so until edges are light brown.  Cool, then sprinkle with powdered sugar.  Serve with hot chocolate.  They don't have any chocolate in them and I love them.  Unbelievable.  Merry Christmas!

Life tips from an older gal.

Tips from me:

1.  Eat chocolate for breakfast.

2. Put lots of chocolate, cream, hazelnut and whatever else in your morning coffee.No steak or potato chips.  Tastes too crunchy. Stir.

3.  Drink the whole pot.

4.  Commence being productive somehow.

5.  Walk.  It's good for you and easy and gets endorphins going.  I like walking my dog, Ginger.

6.  Watch a lot of tv.  Listen to a lot of music.

7.  Take anti-depressants like Effexor.  Hard as heroin to get off of, so might as well stay on!  (update:  as of Jan 2012, I've quit it.  Screw the pharmeceutical companies.  Screw the detox and screw the price of doctor visits, pills, etc.  not to mention my diminished eyesight and weight gain as a DIRECT result of this nonsense.  I'd rather be just me now, thank you very much.  Withdrawls suck right now but I'm determined to do it. )

8.  Drink  a bit when you can.  But not every night.  That's not cool.

9.  Don't chase dirt.  It always comes back in some form.  If it's really obnoxious, tidy up.  Otherwise, throw stuff in closets or under beds.

10.  Watch as much comedy as possible.  Even dumb stuff like Adam Sandler movies will cure what ails you.

11.  Use compound W on brown spots on face.  It gets rid of them.  No dermatologist.

12.  Use salt or sugar on face.  Exfoliates and is cheap.

13.  Pet animals a lot.  Lowers blood pressure. 

14.  Avoid hard drugs at all cost.  The illegal kind.

15.  Buy vintage.  It's "green" and totally cheap.  Also, chock full of designer labels.

16.  Garbage pick when possible.  Treasure troves are out there on the curb.  Wear disguise when schlumping crap into car so no one knows it's you.

17.  Sing and pretend you're  a good singer.  That doesn't last long.

18.  Bake.  It's fun and I usually get to eat it all.

19.  DO NOT DIET.  It kills your soul and kills your passion.

20.  If stuff breaks, who cares?  You can't take it to the afterlife when you're dead.

21.  Do a nice gesture for someone else.  Narcissism is necessary to a point, but giving to a sad person makes you feel good.  And it's spreading kindness.

22.  Get angry.  It beats the hell out of depression.  Plus it mobilizes you to actually DO something.

23.  Pray.  It can't hurt.  Just in case someone is listening.

24.  Play.  Eat. Sleep. Give. Love. Bathe. Work.  Pray.  Laugh.  Be.

25.  Don't feel guilty. Do your best, and let it go.

26.  Listen to others.  They can help you if you truly focus on what they are saying.  Be silent and the answers will come.          

27.  Vindictive thoughts are ok.  Just don't act on them.

28.  Act like a fool.  Being silly is very underrated.

29.  Buy American.  Or vintage.  Or salvation army.  China's vast resources won't get any bigger if you do that.

30.  Always wash your hands after shopping.  Germs abound on grocery carts and railings.  Just sayin.

31.  Give and donate.  Even if it's a little.  It is good and gives sunshine back into your soul.

32.  Respect your parents even if they are not perfect.  Nobody is.  So respect them.

33.  On the other hand, dump toxic people who treat you like shit.

34.  Smile at a stranger.  Someone did this to me down south and it literally cracked my consciousness...for the day.  It was so genuine.  It was odd.  But I liked it.  I smiled back.

35.  Don't follow all these tips.  I'm just an older gal who is having fun.

Rose Hill 3 - Coming Home - Easterly

She is gone and she was my friend.  Perhaps she is home now...?  Is her body sleeping and her soul alive?   Is she with her parents and beloved friends.....is Jesus there to greet her?  Is she once again smiling with the neighbor ladies?  Where is my friend?

  I'm not there with her.   I'm here. I can't speak about this anymore, but I have so much pain and grief and hollowness.It sits inside me always, waiting, to take me for a spin...I can write and pray for peace.  I don't indulge the despair, it captures me and I am descending .........seeking airspace.

Is it possible she is in another dimension, finally free of the physical and mental pain that bound her?   That's what everyone says. She has said her good  byes.  We left no words unsaid, but we left each other. Too much love now lies above me circling me like wings fluttering around my head.  I did not feel  my good bye to her.  Those were words I spoke to her, but I didn't mean it.  I was not ready to say good bye.

I see an old garland on a  christmas tree.I think of Tinsel. She would put those on the tree. I am cascaded into a sad place again.  No one uses garlands or tinsel anymore.. I decorate the tree early, and alone. I am longing.

I have to believe she is in a beautiful garden now. As natural as the sun rising, we are born and we die. But I feel left behind. There was too much love to just....be.....nothing now. How can love feel so terribly gutting....it's a wonder anyone tries to love at all. When the loss, is neverending. I miss this person who happened to be my mother. A friend. Confidant. Loyal, All encompassing. As powerful in death as in life.   I can put her in a rose garden. 

Still......

Her energy breathes in my blood daily. I almost wish it would vanish. Go away. Enough.  Enough.  Grief taunts me.  Please go.

I covet statues of angels now. I look at them and somehow their beauty pleases me.  Some are in my rose garden.  But it is November, and there are no roses.  Everything is bare.  The statues reside there.  It is getting colder.  . I hide the shameful grief from everyone, and it finds me. I want the pain to be taken  I cannot indulge this or encourage it.  I cannot hold it any longer.  Please, someone, put it in a christmas box and tie it with red ribbon to be put on a shelf.  It can reside there with pretty things.

 That is what I want for christmas.

Jen
Nov. 2011

Call the police

If a child is abused or hurt, shouldn't we all go to the police instead of trying to handle it "internally"?  Whether it be within a college campus, organization or the home, there is no resolution to abuse without the police.  No job, no image to the outside world is important if a child is being raped or hit.   I don't think campus police, adminstrative policies or internal protocol can ever protect a child like the police. 

Bush - Letting the Cables Sleep

I do like the dudes named Gavin, for some reason......  The 90's did have some solid music and this is one....

Happy Halloweeny

The boy really looked scary on Halloween!  Hubby and I both got to see him at the school Halloween parade.  The mask bothered him a bit, but he wore it for the parade as we asked.   He did pick the costume out, after all.  And it wasn't cheap. For trick or treating, we said he could take it off.  For a boy who requests all tags be removed from all shirts, he did great.  And, he found a friend to trick or treat with as I trolled along behind them.  The small smile on his face and the "hey guys, wait for me!" as he was running along, warmed my heart.  We LOOOOVE this child. Forever and ever and ever and ever.

I am shameless

There comes a time in a woman's life when she just has to OWN who she is.  And be shameless about it. 

That time is now for me.

The larger than life rump, the oversized thighs, the double chins, it's all good and should not be hid under a bag any longer!  I will make efforts to retreat hubby's big shirts to the back of the closet and let my backside shine like the sun! 

Can I actually do it?

God, I hope so.  Hiding is becoming exhausting.  There are only so many long shirts I can wear!  We women of a certain age have the emancipation of not caring anymore about what other people think, say, or feel.  One of the luxuries of not attracting the young man's eye anymore is NOT CARING and there is a freedom to that.

But.............I still look at the young men.  I still search for their eye to seek mine.  Innocent and reflexive, I've been doing this unconsciously for my entire life.  I enjoyed it and revelled in the approving eye.  What am I saying?  Do I need this anymore?  I'm a happily married woman with an 8 year old son.  What do I care if some handsome slacker 24 year old looks past me anymore???

I do still care.

I don't want to turn back the clock though.    Don't get me wrong. My twenties were so turbulent and dramatic with the men.  Drunken fights that turned ugly, cheating men, my own ambivalence and yes, cheating, and looking, looking, for the next cool guy.....not a lot of fun.  Dates were horribly stressful and depressing when the next day there was no call while I waited.  Or worse, they liked me, and they were the uuber dork.  Always the king of all dorks who became obsessed with me.  And the hangovers!  Oy vey!

I guess if I was to be honest I would say I liked my looks better back then.  Woo, what?  You're kidding!    I remember a short story by Dorothy Parker called "Big Blonde" that I read in college.  How I feared I would become  her, sitting on some bar stool, staring into my vodka tonic and trying to catch any man's fancy while avoiding my mirror reflection.....a woman of a certain age, like 40's or 50's perhaps.  A woman who became lost and lost her youth, thus losing her shot at love.  A sad woman.  I feared I already was her and the story was somehow based on me.

But, I am not her.  I fought to stay away from the lure of her.  The lure of the easy drunk night and the chaotic divorce and the fucked up kid.  I did not want to be like Big Blonde.  I kinda look like her, but I am no drinker  anymore.  The actual process of getting drunk is so single focused.  All other responsibilities fade as the drunkeness  rages forward.  I have Irish descent, norweigan descent and german......the irish is the side of the alcohol problems.  I have billions of focuses in the course of the day. Not one thought, one single focus, on getting drunk.    I drink water, coffee, tea, hot chocolate, and an occasional glass of wine at a restaurant.    The luxury of the addict, is that is all the goal is.To Be  Drunk.

I won't be crying in my beer as an old woman.  I won't be barfing the next morning and asking, "what did I do?  Did I do something stupid?"  when the inevitable blackout surfaces.I stopped boozing when I was 36 years old.  I'd really be something to see if I had kept drinking.  Ay caramba.

I've got more important things to do.    It does suck when the looks fade, but hell, I was never a raving beauty; just considered cute.  And there is so much more in life.  Marriage and all that it entails.  My son who is so achingly beautiful and who could care less.  Human suffering and hunger.  Homelessness.  Sprit life if I'm  inclined to believe it.  Animals.  Life force.  Work.  Respect.  Shamelessness. 

True to form, I cannot get away from this image I have to live in each day.  It is there and it is reflected back at me from all shiny surfaces. 

It is not me.

I am inside here, trying to come out gracefully from my hidden room.  Time to own all parts of me, even the mental fricks and fracks that are not so positive.The deficits in character that I would torture myself over.

   For what is a soul unless it receives self love and  self nurturance? Oh yea, and  I can still admire handsomeness too.  I probably will until the day I die.

My Christmas request

Well, I don't think this is entirely out of the ball park for a christmas request from Hubby.  I think I deserve it and it would look good on me.  Every girl should have a little sparkle in her day.

For Andy

Haven and Home: A New Piece of Art

Haven and Home: A New Piece of Art

Third grade is becoming challenging

Third grade is becoming challenging for the boy.  Not only is the academic part becoming more difficult and frustrating, but the social interactions are tough, as I feared.  He said yesterday that some kids were yelling at him because he bumped into the bey blades they were playing with.  I never got a straight answer from him what exactly happened, but he begged, pleaded and begged again to stay home from school.  The look of fear and terror on his face broke my heart.  I explained we cannot keep him home everytime he is upset about something.  That mom and dad would get in trouble for breaking the law, and that he needs to face this challenge, climb this mountain , go to the next level, (insert cliche here) to come out stronger and be able to deal with people.

I know he has no friends.  He used to, but now, things have changed for some reason.  He considers his home to be his "safe house".  His inner circle is getting so small.  I realize hubby and my culpability in this.  I have friends......but they don't live near me. I have passed this on to my child.  Hubby has passed this on  too...the fact that he considers friends to be superfluous and non essential.

But I have opened so many doors for him!  He is in soccer, mainstream school, has gone to camp, karate, sports classes, birthday parties, many playdates and open gyms.....at what point is it all my fault? 

I told him to try to pick an ally at school.  Just one.  It is still early in the school year so he has time to find that friend.  Someone to trust outside of this house.  I dearly hope and pray for that despite being a bad role model in terms of keeping friendships alive (as I have failed to do.)

So.............my part in all this is,   my former bff was a party girlfiend.  We boozed and met guys and had a lot of fun.  Enter marriage and respective sons.   The friendship fizzled in a big way.  When said bff was still up for the party, I got engaged and she was NOT happy.  She had lost her party girl buddy....me.  I wanted her to be happy for me but she was sad for herself.  It didn't help that she was married during the whole party scene years and my hubby to be (at the time) despised her for that.  Frankly, no one could understand why she would party to the degree that she did and cheat on her hubby claiming they were "seperated".  I wanted to transition into a more "real" friendship and we just couldn't.

Long story short.  That friendship meant something to me.  Then, her true colors came out.  Hubby said, "I told you so" and now her and I don't speak anymore.   I didn't want to be one of those 40 something women looking lonely, sad, and frankly old in a worn out bar.  She partied when she was married....why couldn't I, she thought?  She wanted to still travel and devote weekends to the girls, why couldn't I??  She and I clearly had different ideas of how to be a loyal partner in a relationship.  I think I could have still been loyal to the friendship had it transitioned into adulthood, quite frankly.

I believe to this day she is still searching for someone to replace her husband.

Oh boy, how did I get on this tangent....?

So, I don't have an entourage of friends.  My inner circle is small and so is the boy's.  I have a hunk of guilt about that, but the reality is, I am a complicated person who is not always easy to be friends with.  I yearn for a female friend being in a house of boys and losing my mom, but no one has seems available.   And, as a mom of an 8 year old with some specific needs, I don't think I am available much either these days.
So, I'll be patient with little man, and it will happen naturally.  Not everyone can have an army of friends and I'd rather have one good solid friend than a bunch of aquaintences.  I won't let him always hide in the "safe house" but winter is coming, and I know all 3 of us tend to do that. 

My boy, my son, will find his way.  I must lead him at times.  Other times, he must lead and show me what he wants in life. And I will teach him the difference between party friends and true blue friends.  And,   I cannot deny we are the best of friends.

Latisse does whaaaaat?

What is up with that Latisse junk you put on your eyelashes to achieve that "freakishly long" eyelashes effect?  Being a woman, I was intrigued by the pics of the long, long eyelashes....men will really love that, right?  Anyway, celebrities like Brooke Shields and that really smart chick from  that teen tv show oh yea, Claire Danes endorse it on tv. So, it must be awesome!

The side effects  were rattled off quietly at the end of the commercial....oh itchy, dry eyes I can handle and eye pressure problems, I'll deal with that, but there was one side effect that stood out.

"May darken pigment of eye itself; most likely will be permanent."

What the devil does that mean?(said in British accent)

Ok, I have blue eyes.  My husband and son have brown eyes.  I love brown eyes, but...

  Does this mean my eyes could potentially, permanently turn brown from using Latisse? 

The answer is.....YES.

 The thought that these pharmaceutical nimrods would market something so potentially dangerous is shocking and frightening to me.  So many girls and women want to look pretty and with those spokesmodels to sway us to use this.......  I am speechless with disgust.

To throw a product our way that is clearly dangerous and lures young women to screw with their eye color and eye pressure and God knows what else, is so WRONG.   

If I want long eyelashes, I will use false ones.  They glue on and don't change the color of my eyes. Or I will use mascara.  Or vaseline, like in the 70's.  Oh, not likely on that last one. But, you get my drift.

I can breathe easy knowing that Latisse is making freakishly long eye lashes out there and turning women's eyes brown or black or some mucky other worldly color to pad the wallets of their company.

Brooke Shields would endorse Michael Jackson's dead body if it paid her.  And Clare Danes....doesn't she have some movie to do or meal to plan with that foreign husband of hers? She is pretty smart, a Yale grad. I believe...why would she endorse this?  Did she read the side effects?  Does she care?  

And, why does it change the color of your eyes?  What exactly is in Latisse to do this?  What are the long term effects of using Latisse? Will women become blind?

Latisse sucks.

Frankenstein - The Edgar Winter Group (1972)

In honor of Halloween, crank this up and eat some candy.  Seriously.

Couple things I love and one thing I don't

I love a lot of things, people.  I love this photo. I loved Chris Farley.  I loved everything about him, not just his hilarious-ness.  I love that he was here on this planet.  I love the way our chihuahuas lean into us at night like a warm blanket out of the dryer.  I love my nephew's sweet smile, my brother in law's funny sense of humor,  I love getting a cool, vintage, designerish something that's secondhand.....and cheap.  I do enjoy the golden arches fries, especially when I'm driving.  I love pickles, old fashioned christmas ornaments, my Dad and his ocean blue eyes,  my son with the almond shaped brown eyes, my husband's hilarity and hands that are worn from work, my sister's earnestness and honesty, the wgn morning show, hot cocoa after being out in the snow, sparkly glittery nails, the sound of a cat purring, memories of my mom, dollhouses,I love going to sleep with all my makeup on, Justin Timberlake's what goes around comes around for those who have been cheated on, santa claus dolls, compelling biographies and true stories like "Shake the Devil off". paninis for some reason, Good Times by Chic, shabby chic although it's not practical with pets, coffee with hazelnut and junk like that,  and money.

Oh, comon, that was a joke.  But, I can't deny I like some cabbage in my purse now and then.  I love old fashioned valentines, Godspell, the movie, taffy apples in the fall, flip flops even though I have wiped out more times than I can count with them, (Hazardous on wet stairs, but what can I say, I love em), champagne,(Oh comon Jenny, when was the last time you had champagne?  Get real. I remember loving it, she says in a tiny voice....).I love fried chicken and old tablecloths and Mom's old handkerchiefs with embroidery, I love lifetime movie network for some reason, I don't know why other than it relaxes my brain waves, cherry jelly bellies, vh1 behind the scenes with leif garrett, "ready for a bomb?" I love goodnight moon and I know a place children's books.  I also love the old Willy Wonka movie, I love "The house without a christmas tree", old Andy Williams christmas specials, variety shows, I love Mary Tyler Moore show, I love funky handbags like the ones I make out of Mom's upholstery fabric, and I love open sky and  no cielings,guacamole and macademia nuts (which I could live on both of them),   I love La Grange, by zz top, I love old quilts, I love fall weather and all that it brings like lit pumpkins, candy that belongs to my son and I eat, decorating the house with fall colors and scented candles, I love homemade bread, I love sleeping when I can actually do it right.  I love Mr. Rogers and yellow canaries.I love icelandic sweaters,  I love crab legs and crab cakes and shrimp and lobster, oh my!  Side note:  can you believe I've never had a lobster roll?  I have watched so many godforsaken food shows and never had one.  Dammit!!!  Oh, back to the love stuff. The child I love and I have to brush our teeth soon and settle in for a fall's sleep.  Hubby will be back soon.  After thIe night shift. I love him .  I do.

Okay, the real reason I am trying to be so positive is because today I went for a walk by my favorite lake and beautiful place I always go where there is a waterfall and ducks and nice people walking dogs and.....oh yea, there's a detour here.  Long story short, an old man made obscene gestures at me today while I was walking.  He was menacing and motioning to me, then he kept pointing at me, then him, and making the same gesture several times.He walked toward me and motioned and looked me straight in the eyes.    It was quite disturbing and it bugged me and kinda scared me.  i've lived here for almost 15 yrs. and never had a problem like that, especially when I was walking, trying to do something good for me instead of for everyone else, smelling the cool air, looking at the red leaves on trees......and that happened.

You know, my reaction was like a scared bunny too.  I ran for the hills.  I can think of a hundred different things to do now, but at the time, I was blindsided  and just wanted to get away from him.  I thought he might have alzheimers like my mom, and felt compassionate for a millisecond....but that didn't last.  He pissed me off!  That lake was my sanctuary, and now I gotta worry about that bastard.  Well, I plan on calling the police if it happens again.  I'll be ready for that fool.  And did I mention I love catching bad guys?  I love that feeling.  Love Love Love........

Mazzy Star: Into Dust (live mtv)

Frankie Smith - Double Dutch Bus

Ok, I'm a suburban white chick who always liked old school, still do. Yea, it's awkward, uh huh, weird. But that's me. In college I would sneak by the music, rummage around, and be one of those asses who plays dj.  I was usually drunk.  Got a lot of dirty looks.

 I can't double dutch.  I never learned in my neighborhood. But I bet it was lots of fun.

Fall and hope

Fall is finally here in the Chicago area.  Time to exhale, eat caramel apples, walk in the essence of crunching leaves and smoky bonfires, and decorate the house for halloween.  It always feels like a rebirth to me; a time to focus on what is important in life.  It is a time of prayer and thankfulness.  We have endured the effects of unemployment and threat of losing our home.  We have endured the deaths of one of our parents; his dad, my mom.  We all endure the plight of whatever happens in life.  And we go on.  Some have it undoubtedly worse than others.  I guess with good fortune, we must never lose our compassion.  Compassion for those who are suffering.  We all must help those who are suffering and defeated and never forget them.....

So, fall is here and I feel a twinge of hope and rebirth.  It is a beautiful time of year and I get glimmers of joy in small things.  But as I look beneath the surface of all nature's joys, I still see foreclosure and unemployment around here.  How does the fall season have to do with the suffering I sense is around me still?

It's damn hard to appreciate the fall colors when your family has been removed from their home and they have no money. 

September 11, 2001

Pray for those who lost their lives on September 11, 2001.

bu bye summer

Summers look so idyllic on paper, in photos and in books.  We moms know, summer can be long, hot, and chock full of mayhem.  A "fresh hell" is always around the corner.  My boy didn't want to go to the beach.....so we never made it.  We saw a couple movies,went on a vacation to visit family, played endless video games, tried camp and withdrew him from camp.  Sensory challenged kids don't need screaming kids assaulting him in a hot gym for 8 hours, everyday.   Oh crap. My bad. Camp worked ok last summer, not this summer.  My job ended so I had  the usual angst about money, but slowly.....ever so slowly, the summer eased into a cool, easier vibe.  I didn't push my boy into doing activities and outings he clearly hated. Money started to trickle in.  (After I prayed like a motherfucker!)  I followed Montesori's philosophy and let the boy lead.  I was so darn tired from all the "work" I did through the years with early intervention, classes, play date arrangements.. etc.....I decided to let him orchestrate HIS summer.  He did practically nothing but video games and TV and hamburgers and fries, pizza and popsicles.  Ice cream truck brought him treats when I had the money.  Animals provided endless fun and fluffy love.  I eased up, basically.  I'm not sure if he benefited from such a low key, non academic or non driven summer agenda.  I still had  the angst, but I recently asked him how his summer was.  He replied,"Great!!"  He was happy. He was relaxed.    He didn't learn how to play the violin or make croatian pottery, but he was a happy kid.  No friggin beach or cocktail could have made me feel better than that. 

cake and future colonoscopies

Holy shit, this looks good!  ...Guess this wouldn't bode well for a future colonoscopy that I need to reschedule.  I couldn't hack the preparation for the damn procedure and vomited said suprep all up.  They did not warn me of this.....I asked doc about taking pills instead of suprep and he poo pood it (beg your pardon...)  saying people have a hard time drinking all the water with the pills.  Well, I had a hard time with the suprep.  Water seems easy!  Sigh.  Now I have to wait until the new insurance kicks in and pray it covers a decent amount of it plus a huge deductible we decided on.  Worse, I fear I will blow this thing off.  My sister had cancer in her colon and a colon resectioning, yet I am fluffy headed about rescheduling.  I don't feel the urgency to do it, yet I know it is urgent.   There's no explaining this behavior, even to me...   I'll make a promise to myself, and for my son that I reschedule.  And I promise I won't eat this cake until after the colonoscopy.  Holy shit!

Odie and Corky are reluctant friends

These 2 don't usually hang out together.  But this shot shows just how clueless Corky the cat is.  Chows are not known to love cats.  Uummmm, just the opposite.  Cork walks around to his own beat.    Could anything soothe the soul of a chilly day more than this sight?

For me, the fluffballs are pure love.

John Lennon - Beautiful Boy.flv for Jack

I am glad I met you.   

I cannot put into words how my boy has changed my life.  He's my reason for being here.  He gives such purpose to my life.  He adds technicolor where it used to be black and white.  He's a friend plopped in my lap who baffles me.  Surprises me.  Makes me laugh.  Makes me mad.  He is my son.

PM Dawn (HQ) - I'd Die Without You

This song has to be one of the most romantic songs of the 90's.  I think it stands the test of time.  I have the emotional welling up now that I had back in the day.  This is what you call the classic slow jam. With the love of your life or the amazing guy you just met; a stranger who has endless possibilties as you gaze into his slightly drunken, beautiful eyes........Ahem.  Or with your husband!  He is the  mish mosh of what I just said above. 

I believe Clyde is mainly waiting for Daddy to wake up.  Until then, he will probably go to sleep.  Life is so simple for a dog.  If only we humans could have it so easy.....

He seems to be at a loss as to what to do.  Probably waiting for treats. 

Clyde doesn't particularly like the rain.  It's pouring outside.

He is always hungry.  And, he is very  nosey.

Good words

Let's talk about weight.  Oh yea, I am going to go there.  I have put on the lbs. since Mom died, since I started with a certain prescrip. med that shall remain nameless.  Sposed to help and indeed it has.  It has helped me cope with Mom's demise and death.  With financial pressures our family was under, with a child who is greater than great to the left of excellent, but often times baffling. 

So, this brings me back to weight.  I know what to eat.  I know how to work out.  I was an athlete of sorts in school.  I was always running in the snow, playing tennis, running track, ice skating; I was damn near good at any sport I tried.  Except yoga.  I sucked at that.  I couldn't move my bod the way the others did and I thought the instructor was creepy.  He told us to inhale salt water through one nostril and out the other.  Right, as if I would want to try that.  He also walked around looking at us when we were supposed to be in poses.  I saw him.  Cuz my eyes rarely closed during this class.  I kept my eyes on that bearded instructor walking around.  As if a technique was important in yoga.  We were just laying there and he was watching us.  Oh, I'm stalling.  I'm supposed to talk about weight.  Unnamed sources are telling me I need to lose weight.  My mind translates that into:  "You are a fat ass with no discipline."  But I do have discipline.  I work very hard during the day.  I'm just not running and weight lifting I guess.  This family member means well.  He doesn't want me to die.  It's not my husband by the way.  He loves me no matter what I look like.  So, each time I hear the "helpful" talk about my weight, or have a scale purchased for me, or have the label read on my favorite coffee creamer, I feel marginalized.  I feel brutalized.  I feel undermined. Of all the good I do in my life, my good features, any good deeds I do seem to be wiped off the slate because........I have gained weight.  Listen, I look at it this way.  Our weight is a barometer of our state of mind.  It fluctuates and ebbs and flows.  I am a person, not a size.  I am a person, not a weight.  I am not a slave to the other worldly pressures of society that tells my ass to be a size 0.  In other words, I reject the help.  I reject the helpful words, and I rebel.  I love you all for trying I suppose.  Let me find my way.  Trust that I will in time, be this way.....or that way physically, and it matters so little in the scheme of life.  The shell of the body.  At times it encases darkness.  That's what I worry about.  Not the size of a thigh, but the magnitude of a dark cloud in the soul.  The ebb and flow of darkness in the psyche.  That's what I worry about the most, and frankly, the constructive comments and innuendos do not help the dark clouds on the rainy day inside.  I have always been a big embracer of positive words towards children, and adults too.  Good words add light to the darkness.  Gosh, I remember every single compliment I've ever received.  Those words made me feel so light and free.  I suppose they validated old shaky me.  Compliments.  Good words.  Kind comments.  These are the food for the soul.  Let me be healthy and free from hurtful words and deeds.  Especially when it comes to my almost 50 year old body.  It's taken me this far, and I think I am doing just fine.

Gavin DeGraw - We belong together

There are times you just feel a song.  This one is felt, not heard.

big smile

You rock, Jacko.

I'm the Charlie Sheen of chocolate eating!

Delicioso!!!

Yes indeed.  This epiphany came to me while I was driving.  I can eat more chocolate than ANYONE in one sitting.  I am trying to be proud of this.It's an accomplishment, really.  I once ate an entire box of Frango Mints (a Chicago iconic treat) for breakfast.  I've eaten those giant hershey kisses in an hour...Once, hubby bought me a 5 lb. Hershey bar for Christmas.  It was gone in a few days.  Like Charlie, that's how I roll.  I love chocolate and it's very good for my mental health.  The little schoolboy cookies with the chocolate from france are great for breakfast. And I can clean the house and do EVERYTHING efficiently afterwards...

People say you should not eat chocolate.  Or eat only the bittersweet, unsweetened chocolate.  But, it's one of the pleasures of life.  And really, there are many responsibilities in life and seemingly fewer pleasures.  One should savor the sweet in life with sweet people.

People have told me I would be better if I lost weight.  Better what?  Better looking?  Because I sure would be the same inside.  An old boyfriend once told me I would be "perfect" if I lost x amount of weight.  I tried to lose it.  I was the same old me after I lost it.  And he cheated on me.  So, what the hell?  Do I listen to people who keep harping on me for their own empty agendas?  Or do I listen to my soul, my spirit, and do what the fuck I want?  I say eat the magnificent chocolate.  Eat it to the extreme.  Don't nibble it and bashfully save the remainder for later.  Eat the whole glob of it in one fell swoop.  Savor it and let the endorphins fly as the cocoa sinks in.

Could it be that some people want to sabatoge our happiness and harp on us for that very reason? 

  If being naughty is eating chocolate, then let me be the Charlie Sheen of chocolate eating.  I may live forever then. 

Closet of my dreams

Courtesy of Elle Decor, now this is a great closet!  Notice the whiteness!  The pristine, folded, sophisticated clothing!  The artfully arranged accessories!  Oh, schneikes!  This would be really nice.  I would sit in here with a chocolate martini (no, that would stain), maybe some champagne, and look at my pretty closet.  I would pass out on that chair....and gaze at my fabulous selfy ness in the mirror.  It's a nice idea. Sigh.....

Next, you will see what I've done with my own closet!!  My renovation tales know no bounds!

closet madness

This is my real closet.  Scary, isn't it?  It has always been like this.  Or, some variation of this abomination.  Notice the homemade dolls on the top shelf.  And the sheets that I roll in a ball and literally throw up there.. (usually cursing as I do this) .My wardrobe was so bohemian in my 20's.  Now.....it's just sad.  I have tons of thrift store finds in there and maxi dresses.  I also have a Great Gatsby like sequinned top.  Wore it maybe twice.  My daily attire now  consists of rolled up jeans, tee shirts, and flip flops.  In the winter, I wear my husband's big button down shirts.  What the hell happened to my funky sense of style?  I'm in the "I don't give a shit" mode anymore.  It's time I stop looking androgynous, and start looking cute again, right?  Maybe I need to start with organizing this crunky closet.

Happy 4th of July!

My boy Jack in front of a memorial for all soldiers.  He has a built in respect for soldiers.  Of course, we tried to teach him that, but he knows any soldier that has served our country deserves utmost respect.  We salute all the soldiers everywhere!!

We saw our parade,  watched fireworks in our backyard,he  had McDonald's,  played Cloning Clyde, his latest favorite game, and waited for Daddy to return from work. We then had corn on the cob, sandwiches, watermelon, and pasta salad.  Our neighbor Linda brought over a hamburger cake for the boy.  She is a sweetie.

Brought Jack to a splash park and realized he is now too old for it...?  I used to bring him there all the time, but he suddenly was the oldest one there, and I had a aha moment when I saw the little kids splashing around and he was the oldest.  Oh boy.  He was more impressed with the giant vanilla waffle cone with sprinkles.

Take time to be.

A thousand winds

A thousand winds have passed through me
each salt and misty shape
remind me of you
a beloved of times gone by
ten thousand footprints remain
until infinity washes them with the tide
and another wave engulfs me again
though I miss your life
I dream of your soul
I feel your eyes
and fingers still
in my heart
squeezing
it is all right
let the winds comfort you
and the sea take your sadness
to merge with the endless turquoise of water
and sea shells
and lovely lovely smooth rocks
it will be fine again
in a thousand winds
and we will hold hands
in the dusk
toward orange skies and sweet sweet air
in our world
in our place
where we belong.

Furry friends

These friends make life fun and sweet.  Ginger, the border collie, is my pal.  She walks me through the neighborhood like a banshee.  Every car that goes by, she wants to chase!  She gives me exercise.  Corky the himalayan, tugs at my heartstrings. He was born with some disabilities.  He's so beautiful, but kinda naughty.  But I love the heck out of him.  Clyde is the chow in the picture.  A happy guy with his mouth wide open all the time.  He is very simple.  Pet him, feed him, and then he goes to sleep. Thank you friends. 

Sweet little creatures

You guys sure are cute.  I raised you and now you are on to new families.  Happy trails to you both kitties!

Lofoten islands norway

My mother's side is from Lofoten Islands, Norway.  My great grandfather would ski to school and once he fell into a well.  Luckily, he was wearing some kind of skirt apparatus..........it saved him.  If the islands look like this..........................I WANT TO GO!

I would like to live in this garden

little garden lady

In the garden

When we planted these roses, they were dainty and fledgling.......

Now they are so beautiful.  They have exploded over 2 arches.  I have a true rose garden.  My mother loved gardens and my grandfather was a florist in Chicago at Weinhobers.  Years ago.  I cannot explain the tender joy I feel as I walk through this rose garden that resides beside  our bedroom windows.  It is bliss tinged with a oh if only my mom could see this feeling! 

Roses in particular, are the pinnacle of Beauty to me.  How lucky I am to have a rose garden beside my bedroom. 

Nothing could be better except if I was to be eating chocolate in the garden.  That would be good.

Colonoscopies and Boogie shoes

I Love my sis Laura.  She is the nicest, coolest sister anyone could ever hope or pray for.  She is like an angel to our son always caring for him, taking him places, and interacting with him. She is very special to him and to all of us.

  She had a routine colonoscopy. 

 They found cancer in her colon. 

 What a shock this was to everyone!  Laura always ate pretty good and was always thinner than me.  Furthermore, she rarely drinks, doesn't smoke, doesn't do caffeine, and rarely eats beef or pork.  I guess we both could benefit from more exercise, but who wouldn't??  She is a positive, spiritual person and ...this happened?

She had to have a colon resectioning which means the doctors cut out about 12 inches of her colon. 

She is currently doing great!  She eats well and is mindful of her lifestyle.

SHE IS NOW CANCER FREE!!!!!!

As her sister, I need to get the colonscopy too.

I haven't done it but I will.

Laura is the poster girl for early detection.

I promise I will get the colonoscopy.

I hope whoever reads this will get one too.

It could save our lives.

Thank you Laura.

Hubby got a job and lou malnatis kicks ass

Lou Malnatis is a staple for our family.    My sis and brother in law sent 4 pies to us to congratulate hubby.  After 5 months of being laid off........... HE GOT A JOB!!!

 That's no small feat in this economy.  I'm so proud of that man I could bust.

I am also grateful because my job is coming to an end very soon. I'll have to figure out my situation, but for now, I am happy. 


Meanwhile, the pizza was so wonderful.  Thank you to Laura, Bob, and Sean.

After Mom died, I didn't believe in anything, but this truly feels like a miracle.

Some favorite things.........................

Thrifting and garage sales.  Love the hunt for a cool treasure.

The music on Mob Wives.  And the show too.  Guilty pleasure.

Culvers concrete mixers.  Specially chocolate with choc. chip cookie dough chunks in it.  Frozen custard rocks it.

Quilts.  I love em.  Wish I could make em.  I get them at thrift stores and fold them and put them on my son's bed.  So cozy.

I love me some Springstein's Glory Days or Pink Cadillac or   She's the one.  I can picture TONS of beer and an outdoor party.

Red shoes.  Sparkly ones are better.  I'd love to have some high heal Dorothy shoes from Wizard of Oz.  Who makes those?

Hazelnut and mocha in the morning coffee.  Together or seperate, these flavors add a lot of jazz to the am joe. 

Oprah.  Gotta admit, her shows were staples in the morning if I was home.  I learned about her mostly.  Her take on pedophiles, cheaters, and the like.  She has a big heart and people know that.

CATS. 

Homemade potato salad and fried chicken.  Picnics and pasta salad.

Fondues.  Creamy lovely cheesy fondue with crusty french bread dunked in it.  

Snow days.  Everyone home with endless cups of hot cocoa and soup. 

Crab cakes.  In San Francisco.  With my sis. 'Nuff said.

Macadamia nuts when you are starving.  Hoo boy.

Lady bugs, butterflies, chihauhaus when they lean into you, purring cats, and McDonalds french fries.  

Ridiculous laughter.  I'm thinkin Chris Farley, Tracey Morgan, and inside jokes with family.  

My boy's laughter.  That feels like God to me.

Sheryl Crow - Home

This song explains how I'm feeling lately about myself. Only I'm older and should have it all together.  Sadly, I don't.  I so don't.

Mother's day 2011

Happy Mothers Day to all the moms out there!!  I'm thinking of my Mom today.  She passed away in 2009 and I loved her like crazy!!  She and I would go thrift store shopping, lunching at Marshall Fields or Nordstrom, walk around the mall with our chocolate truffle and chocolate on our faces, make fun of people, (they couldn't hear!), go for walks in the neighborhood, and talk about everything.  And this is when I was a grown up.  As a child, well, she was the Mary Tyler Moore of the neighborhood.  Everyone loved her and wanted her to be their Mom.  She played Scott Joplin with a rip roarin gusto, played Chopin, Bach, Beatles, and  Mozart. She was a ballerina on stage, and always kept her graceful physique. She painted, played guitar, made life like zombies, baked killer brownies and chocolate chip cookies.......

Most of all, I could talk to her and she would listen.  And she always made me feel better.  It's astounding how much I miss her on a daily basis.  Many people told me I would be better and move on, etc.  I'm ok, but that loss is part of me that I will always carry.  Her face would light up when she saw me.  And so would mine.  She was a helluva dame and I miss the hell out of her.  Love ya Andy!!

Ghost shows SUCK

These ghost shows rankle me.  We have watched them for years because I used to like the Roto Rooters guys and frankly, my husband likes these shows a lot.  But,  they NEVER FIND ANYTHING CREDIBLE.  EVER.  Second, they claim to be debunkers, but they get so excited whenever they see a shadow or hear a thump.   "Did you hear that??!!"   (Do you think it's the 200 year old furnace in the basement?  Just a guess.)   They remind me of drunk frat boys on the ouija board.  They are doing this for fun and excitement and it irritates me.  I can't say I disbelieve in all this.  I have used a ouija board.  I had a psychic reading too.   There are unexplainable things out there, to be sure.  But you wouldn't know it from these shitty shows.

I'd rather see the Roto Rooters guys doing plumbing.  Show me the right way to use a damn plunger maybe.  They get to travel around  the country with expensive equipment accomplishing NOTHING.  I understand these dudes have families.  If I was the wife, I would be pissed.  She's at home with the kids while these two are out there playing bugaboo with shadows.  The joke is on their wives I guess.

I lost my mom recently.  I'm not a prude or a holy roller.  Ever since she passed, these ghost shows are like a slap in the face to me.  I know, lighten up Jen.  But, I was a faithful viewer and they don't have any evidence to prove there are ghosts except shadows and goofy house sounds that are picked up on their emf detector.  I think about my mom and how close we were.  If she were a ghost she would stay silent for these goons too.

welcome to the doll house

hubby made this.

 work in progress.

Dorothy thinks it's her house.  I let her think that too.

I've been wondering how to get peace in my soul lately.  Eat chocolate?  Done that.  Pray?  done that.  Look at sea shells and smell beach air?  Haven't done that enough.  My cats bring me peace as I hold them and smell their lovely fur.  Laying with my husband and son and animals on the bed  brings joy and laughter.  Shouldn't I be a very peaceful person?   Lately, I find myself very anxious about money, financial matters,worrying about losing the house,worrying about my son, my father, you name it.  I would love to unscrew my head and put it on a shelf at those times.  But, this is life.  And I know everyone else out there has worries too.  Even the ones who seem so together and talkative.  I mean those moms who flock to the other moms when they  drop their kids off  at school.  I find myself purposely avoiding the moms because I don't like morning chatter.   They are always buzzing about their frenzied weekends with girl scout outings or trips here and there.  I guess it's the damn mother's guilt I have all the time.  I should take my son to all the Chicago museums.  I should take him to train museums and the art institute.  We have quiet weekends that are good for the boy.  Those fun  outings cost money and we are in short supply of that.  And...... the boy has sensory issues with crowds which limit our options.  So, when grandpa wants to take us to a fancy brunch for Easter, hubby and I love the yummy brunch.  But son, he is miserable, even with the game boy. He hates the fancy food.  He won't talk to anyone. Oh, the sadness to see him like that.  The guilt.

So, peace is what I seek in my soul.  Peace that I am doing enough for the boy.  For finances.  For keeping the house.  For my marriage.  I seek peace and forgiveness for myself so I will stop hurting my spirit with the guilt of the mom who wants to please.  Hurts can be healed.  And peace that is sought, will come.

Peace comes to those who search.



Oh Gwynnie you goopster

Is there nothing that Gwyneth Paltrow cannot do?  She does SNL, (and she's funny!), Ironman, Estee Lauder commercials, Goop!!, movies, oh yea Glee, modeling, singing with Huey Lewis (ay caramba) and now country singing!  Oh yea, country singing on a country awards show live!  Didn't she do a travelling gourmet cooking show with Mario Batali?   Think so! She wrote a cookbook I heard.  I hope it's about macrobiotic eating!  I love shit like that!

And she married that dork from Coldplay!!

Me thinks she does too much.

She's like those oh so popular chicks in high school with the straight A's, on cheerleading AND an athlete. I wonder if she barfs into bags after a big awards dinner like on intervention?  Just curious....

She has talent.  But the Goop website is so over the top horrific.  What average person eats the food she does and has personal trainers and travels all over enough to rate restaurants in france and spain?  Gwynnie can.....and does!!! 

I kinda want her to just go retire in England with that multi bracelet wearing, seizure dancing, no talent husband of hers and re name her kids.  I want her to go away.  Far away.  In fact, better yet, I want her to move to Berwyn, IL and live in an apartment and eat frozen pizzas for a while and watch Judge Judy and Maury Povich. 

One more thing Gwynee, suck it!!

Holly Bobo and all the others

Holly Bobo is missing in Tennessee.  Her brother reported a man in camouflauge taking her out of their home at 7:30 in the morning.  There was blood seen nearby reportedly.  I can only pray and shake my head, why.  Why.  Why are so many women abducted, raped and killed.  I'm not saying she is gone.  I hope she is alive.  But as time goes on, hope fades slowly.  Elizabeth Smart was taken from her own bed in the middle of the night and became a virtual sex slave and "wife" of that who needs to know his name guy.  Just finished "Crash into me" book  about Liz Seccuro's harrowing rape by 3 men on campus and the apathy that met her from the University's elite.  One of the rapists wrote her some apology letter admitting to the rape.  And beating, judging from the details in the book.  She had him arrested and he served a few months. Not enough. The other 2 rapists are just living their lives in silence surrounded by a wall of soundproof.  Morgan Harrington was taken from a concert parking lot and killed.  Her body was found in a nearby farm field.  She had many broken bones it  was reported. She was alone.  She was thrown away like garbage.

And there was Natalie Holloway.  And Lacey Peterson.  And Drew Peterson's ex wives.  And so many more.

I have a son.  I know he could get abducted and killed too.  Why does it seem like the young women are in this web of violence?  What can I do to teach my son to be compassionate and kind and aware?  This is so epidemic.  Nothing ever seems to change.  So when I read those God----- articles in  Time and Newsweek talking about helicopter parents who hover over their children's every move....I am still.  We cannot protect every child from predators.  We can hover and hover and hover.  We can pray for the girls who did not have a chance and who were victimized.   And for the boys who are taken. We can fight these people  and fight for victim's rights.  And we can be still.  And in our stillness, we can remember the ones who fought the enemies.  I hope Holly is fighting and will return home soon.  I am scared.

monday morn with my squirrel

Squirrel is our torti cat picked out by our son.  At first I thought she was fugly.  Only loved the himalayans.  Now, I see her true beauty is her peaceful, calming soul.  She pleases me just by looking at her, and some pretty fake irises.  If people don't like cats, then I don't like them.  They have no soul.  Cats carress your soul.  Dogs are fun like toy trains.  But cats are little buddhas in fur.

Dermatology adventure

I  broke down and went to a dermatologist after battling  chin acne for 2 YEARS on my own.  Yea, I'm stubborn. I tried to do it on my own! The dermatologist "nurse" was REALLY TAN.  I'm like, WTF, isn't the sun bad for you?  She looked dissapprovingly at me and says,"so what is your product you use daily?"  I'm like, um, I've tried toothpaste.nail polish remover, nail polish,  salt, otc acne creams, compound W, you name it.. and gosh darn it, wouldn't you know, none of it worked!  I tried to be jovial and  she looked at me like I was crazy.  You can't say I didn't try.  She gave me a sad look then  asked if I had rashes, and I responded no.  It's cystic chin acne due to impending menopause I blurted out.    Geez, I gotta diagnose too, lady??  She asked me if I still had my period.  Ooh, she's trying to say I'm old?   The heavily accented doctor came in, asked me if I was Polish, and told me to lift my chin up. He did not touch my face. He also asked me about rashes.  After 5 seconds, they left the room and conspired a plan.  The tan lady came back and gave me a sample of something.  And......BYE!!    They don't want to deal with people like me. Bigger fish to fry I suppose.   I put some compound W back on it later.  That's what's in that Proactive acne stuff I hear.  I also hear from some people that menopause is a bitch.  For me, it's not that bad.  Besides being vengeful, I enjoy wearing less clothes and loving my rubenesque figure and teen age looking skin.

Chocolate Chip Cookies bring joy

It's starting to look a little like spring in the Chicago area.  The sun is out, the air is crisp, and it's time for chocolate chip cookies and milk.  Throw some oatmeal in the batter and you got a fantastic cookie that hugs your soul.  Everyone in the house loves these cookies.  Cept for the cats and of course the dogs can't have them because of the chocolate.  I don't measure; just throw the ingrediants together if you have an idea of the basic recipe.  Sometimes it's fun to add craisins those raisins infused with cherry juice or dried cherries.  Yum.  Great for breakfast with some steamy coffee and a newspaper.

Tales from the beauty front

Guilty as charged for using the fako press on nails for years.  I used to glue jewels, make mini paintings, pour on glitter and spend a huge amount of time focusing on long, sparkly nails.  I even had the acrylic nails put on once and felt woozy from the fumes after leaving the salon.  I promptly jammed my nail on the car door and the thing painfully cracked and almost took my real nail off.  Oh, and last but not least, (and this was recently I'm mortified to admit), I used fake press on TOE NAILS.  Yes, you heard me right.  Trouble was, the nails were REALLY long on my toes and I had just super glued them on and....well no ifs ands or buts, they looked like sh--.  Hubby immediately declared me a gargoyle with those toes.  Desperately, I  tried to pry them off and eventually they were no more.  What possesses me?  Why?  When I began seriously caregiving for my mother, for obvious hygiene reasons, I could not have phony nails anymore.  And I just didn't care anymore. 

That hair remover cream was another adventure in paradise. Yes, I did use it on my legs and it worked ok.  But, did I stop there?  Of course not!!  I had to try it on facial hair, body hair (not recommended...) underarm areas, and  on a suicidal mission from God, the nose hairs that kept popping up. Mind you, this was done in my 20's.  So that makes it more understandable, right?   Much later, someone called me a complete dumb a-- for risking life and limb to burn out a few stray nose hairs.  I have to agree.

My hair.  Crikees, it's a wonder I still have any.  I used to bleach it so white in my younger days, people said I looked like a Nelson twin (reference to 80's twins/sons of rick nelson) YIKES.  Then I dyed a black stripe in it to look cool or get attention. ..It's been red, been highlighted with huge stripes I painted on with a cap, and once I even poured a whole bottle of hydrogen peroxide on the top of my head,  Talk about a brassy, crappy look.  Doing my own perm was a challenge.  A challenge I failed when the result was a frizzy head of complete straw.

Self tanners and bronzers.  I never realized how many people made fun of me when I used the orangy Qt bronzers and self tanners.  There is a knack for that for sure.  Mine always looked streaky I guess.  At times, I used facial foundation on my legs.......that was just silly and washed off all the time.

Now, with a child, it's a good day if I shower.