I've been wondering how to get peace in my soul lately.  Eat chocolate?  Done that.  Pray?  done that.  Look at sea shells and smell beach air?  Haven't done that enough.  My cats bring me peace as I hold them and smell their lovely fur.  Laying with my husband and son and animals on the bed  brings joy and laughter.  Shouldn't I be a very peaceful person?   Lately, I find myself very anxious about money, financial matters,worrying about losing the house,worrying about my son, my father, you name it.  I would love to unscrew my head and put it on a shelf at those times.  But, this is life.  And I know everyone else out there has worries too.  Even the ones who seem so together and talkative.  I mean those moms who flock to the other moms when they  drop their kids off  at school.  I find myself purposely avoiding the moms because I don't like morning chatter.   They are always buzzing about their frenzied weekends with girl scout outings or trips here and there.  I guess it's the damn mother's guilt I have all the time.  I should take my son to all the Chicago museums.  I should take him to train museums and the art institute.  We have quiet weekends that are good for the boy.  Those fun  outings cost money and we are in short supply of that.  And...... the boy has sensory issues with crowds which limit our options.  So, when grandpa wants to take us to a fancy brunch for Easter, hubby and I love the yummy brunch.  But son, he is miserable, even with the game boy. He hates the fancy food.  He won't talk to anyone. Oh, the sadness to see him like that.  The guilt.

So, peace is what I seek in my soul.  Peace that I am doing enough for the boy.  For finances.  For keeping the house.  For my marriage.  I seek peace and forgiveness for myself so I will stop hurting my spirit with the guilt of the mom who wants to please.  Hurts can be healed.  And peace that is sought, will come.