Life tips from an older gal.

Tips from me:

1.  Eat chocolate for breakfast.

2. Put lots of chocolate, cream, hazelnut and whatever else in your morning coffee.No steak or potato chips.  Tastes too crunchy. Stir.

3.  Drink the whole pot.

4.  Commence being productive somehow.

5.  Walk.  It's good for you and easy and gets endorphins going.  I like walking my dog, Ginger.

6.  Watch a lot of tv.  Listen to a lot of music.

7.  Take anti-depressants like Effexor.  Hard as heroin to get off of, so might as well stay on!  (update:  as of Jan 2012, I've quit it.  Screw the pharmeceutical companies.  Screw the detox and screw the price of doctor visits, pills, etc.  not to mention my diminished eyesight and weight gain as a DIRECT result of this nonsense.  I'd rather be just me now, thank you very much.  Withdrawls suck right now but I'm determined to do it. )

8.  Drink  a bit when you can.  But not every night.  That's not cool.

9.  Don't chase dirt.  It always comes back in some form.  If it's really obnoxious, tidy up.  Otherwise, throw stuff in closets or under beds.

10.  Watch as much comedy as possible.  Even dumb stuff like Adam Sandler movies will cure what ails you.

11.  Use compound W on brown spots on face.  It gets rid of them.  No dermatologist.

12.  Use salt or sugar on face.  Exfoliates and is cheap.

13.  Pet animals a lot.  Lowers blood pressure. 

14.  Avoid hard drugs at all cost.  The illegal kind.

15.  Buy vintage.  It's "green" and totally cheap.  Also, chock full of designer labels.

16.  Garbage pick when possible.  Treasure troves are out there on the curb.  Wear disguise when schlumping crap into car so no one knows it's you.

17.  Sing and pretend you're  a good singer.  That doesn't last long.

18.  Bake.  It's fun and I usually get to eat it all.

19.  DO NOT DIET.  It kills your soul and kills your passion.

20.  If stuff breaks, who cares?  You can't take it to the afterlife when you're dead.

21.  Do a nice gesture for someone else.  Narcissism is necessary to a point, but giving to a sad person makes you feel good.  And it's spreading kindness.

22.  Get angry.  It beats the hell out of depression.  Plus it mobilizes you to actually DO something.

23.  Pray.  It can't hurt.  Just in case someone is listening.

24.  Play.  Eat. Sleep. Give. Love. Bathe. Work.  Pray.  Laugh.  Be.

25.  Don't feel guilty. Do your best, and let it go.

26.  Listen to others.  They can help you if you truly focus on what they are saying.  Be silent and the answers will come.          

27.  Vindictive thoughts are ok.  Just don't act on them.

28.  Act like a fool.  Being silly is very underrated.

29.  Buy American.  Or vintage.  Or salvation army.  China's vast resources won't get any bigger if you do that.

30.  Always wash your hands after shopping.  Germs abound on grocery carts and railings.  Just sayin.

31.  Give and donate.  Even if it's a little.  It is good and gives sunshine back into your soul.

32.  Respect your parents even if they are not perfect.  Nobody is.  So respect them.

33.  On the other hand, dump toxic people who treat you like shit.

34.  Smile at a stranger.  Someone did this to me down south and it literally cracked my consciousness...for the day.  It was so genuine.  It was odd.  But I liked it.  I smiled back.

35.  Don't follow all these tips.  I'm just an older gal who is having fun.

Rose Hill 3 - Coming Home - Easterly

She is gone and she was my friend.  Perhaps she is home now...?  Is her body sleeping and her soul alive?   Is she with her parents and beloved friends.....is Jesus there to greet her?  Is she once again smiling with the neighbor ladies?  Where is my friend?

  I'm not there with her.   I'm here. I can't speak about this anymore, but I have so much pain and grief and hollowness.It sits inside me always, waiting, to take me for a spin...I can write and pray for peace.  I don't indulge the despair, it captures me and I am descending .........seeking airspace.

Is it possible she is in another dimension, finally free of the physical and mental pain that bound her?   That's what everyone says. She has said her good  byes.  We left no words unsaid, but we left each other. Too much love now lies above me circling me like wings fluttering around my head.  I did not feel  my good bye to her.  Those were words I spoke to her, but I didn't mean it.  I was not ready to say good bye.

I see an old garland on a  christmas tree.I think of Tinsel. She would put those on the tree. I am cascaded into a sad place again.  No one uses garlands or tinsel anymore.. I decorate the tree early, and alone. I am longing.

I have to believe she is in a beautiful garden now. As natural as the sun rising, we are born and we die. But I feel left behind. There was too much love to just....be.....nothing now. How can love feel so terribly gutting....it's a wonder anyone tries to love at all. When the loss, is neverending. I miss this person who happened to be my mother. A friend. Confidant. Loyal, All encompassing. As powerful in death as in life.   I can put her in a rose garden. 

Still......

Her energy breathes in my blood daily. I almost wish it would vanish. Go away. Enough.  Enough.  Grief taunts me.  Please go.

I covet statues of angels now. I look at them and somehow their beauty pleases me.  Some are in my rose garden.  But it is November, and there are no roses.  Everything is bare.  The statues reside there.  It is getting colder.  . I hide the shameful grief from everyone, and it finds me. I want the pain to be taken  I cannot indulge this or encourage it.  I cannot hold it any longer.  Please, someone, put it in a christmas box and tie it with red ribbon to be put on a shelf.  It can reside there with pretty things.

 That is what I want for christmas.

Jen
Nov. 2011

Call the police

If a child is abused or hurt, shouldn't we all go to the police instead of trying to handle it "internally"?  Whether it be within a college campus, organization or the home, there is no resolution to abuse without the police.  No job, no image to the outside world is important if a child is being raped or hit.   I don't think campus police, adminstrative policies or internal protocol can ever protect a child like the police. 

Bush - Letting the Cables Sleep

I do like the dudes named Gavin, for some reason......  The 90's did have some solid music and this is one....

Happy Halloweeny

The boy really looked scary on Halloween!  Hubby and I both got to see him at the school Halloween parade.  The mask bothered him a bit, but he wore it for the parade as we asked.   He did pick the costume out, after all.  And it wasn't cheap. For trick or treating, we said he could take it off.  For a boy who requests all tags be removed from all shirts, he did great.  And, he found a friend to trick or treat with as I trolled along behind them.  The small smile on his face and the "hey guys, wait for me!" as he was running along, warmed my heart.  We LOOOOVE this child. Forever and ever and ever and ever.

I am shameless

There comes a time in a woman's life when she just has to OWN who she is.  And be shameless about it. 

That time is now for me.

The larger than life rump, the oversized thighs, the double chins, it's all good and should not be hid under a bag any longer!  I will make efforts to retreat hubby's big shirts to the back of the closet and let my backside shine like the sun! 

Can I actually do it?

God, I hope so.  Hiding is becoming exhausting.  There are only so many long shirts I can wear!  We women of a certain age have the emancipation of not caring anymore about what other people think, say, or feel.  One of the luxuries of not attracting the young man's eye anymore is NOT CARING and there is a freedom to that.

But.............I still look at the young men.  I still search for their eye to seek mine.  Innocent and reflexive, I've been doing this unconsciously for my entire life.  I enjoyed it and revelled in the approving eye.  What am I saying?  Do I need this anymore?  I'm a happily married woman with an 8 year old son.  What do I care if some handsome slacker 24 year old looks past me anymore???

I do still care.

I don't want to turn back the clock though.    Don't get me wrong. My twenties were so turbulent and dramatic with the men.  Drunken fights that turned ugly, cheating men, my own ambivalence and yes, cheating, and looking, looking, for the next cool guy.....not a lot of fun.  Dates were horribly stressful and depressing when the next day there was no call while I waited.  Or worse, they liked me, and they were the uuber dork.  Always the king of all dorks who became obsessed with me.  And the hangovers!  Oy vey!

I guess if I was to be honest I would say I liked my looks better back then.  Woo, what?  You're kidding!    I remember a short story by Dorothy Parker called "Big Blonde" that I read in college.  How I feared I would become  her, sitting on some bar stool, staring into my vodka tonic and trying to catch any man's fancy while avoiding my mirror reflection.....a woman of a certain age, like 40's or 50's perhaps.  A woman who became lost and lost her youth, thus losing her shot at love.  A sad woman.  I feared I already was her and the story was somehow based on me.

But, I am not her.  I fought to stay away from the lure of her.  The lure of the easy drunk night and the chaotic divorce and the fucked up kid.  I did not want to be like Big Blonde.  I kinda look like her, but I am no drinker  anymore.  The actual process of getting drunk is so single focused.  All other responsibilities fade as the drunkeness  rages forward.  I have Irish descent, norweigan descent and german......the irish is the side of the alcohol problems.  I have billions of focuses in the course of the day. Not one thought, one single focus, on getting drunk.    I drink water, coffee, tea, hot chocolate, and an occasional glass of wine at a restaurant.    The luxury of the addict, is that is all the goal is.To Be  Drunk.

I won't be crying in my beer as an old woman.  I won't be barfing the next morning and asking, "what did I do?  Did I do something stupid?"  when the inevitable blackout surfaces.I stopped boozing when I was 36 years old.  I'd really be something to see if I had kept drinking.  Ay caramba.

I've got more important things to do.    It does suck when the looks fade, but hell, I was never a raving beauty; just considered cute.  And there is so much more in life.  Marriage and all that it entails.  My son who is so achingly beautiful and who could care less.  Human suffering and hunger.  Homelessness.  Sprit life if I'm  inclined to believe it.  Animals.  Life force.  Work.  Respect.  Shamelessness. 

True to form, I cannot get away from this image I have to live in each day.  It is there and it is reflected back at me from all shiny surfaces. 

It is not me.

I am inside here, trying to come out gracefully from my hidden room.  Time to own all parts of me, even the mental fricks and fracks that are not so positive.The deficits in character that I would torture myself over.

   For what is a soul unless it receives self love and  self nurturance? Oh yea, and  I can still admire handsomeness too.  I probably will until the day I die.

My Christmas request

Well, I don't think this is entirely out of the ball park for a christmas request from Hubby.  I think I deserve it and it would look good on me.  Every girl should have a little sparkle in her day.