Third grade is becoming challenging

Third grade is becoming challenging for the boy.  Not only is the academic part becoming more difficult and frustrating, but the social interactions are tough, as I feared.  He said yesterday that some kids were yelling at him because he bumped into the bey blades they were playing with.  I never got a straight answer from him what exactly happened, but he begged, pleaded and begged again to stay home from school.  The look of fear and terror on his face broke my heart.  I explained we cannot keep him home everytime he is upset about something.  That mom and dad would get in trouble for breaking the law, and that he needs to face this challenge, climb this mountain , go to the next level, (insert cliche here) to come out stronger and be able to deal with people.

I know he has no friends.  He used to, but now, things have changed for some reason.  He considers his home to be his "safe house".  His inner circle is getting so small.  I realize hubby and my culpability in this.  I have friends......but they don't live near me. I have passed this on to my child.  Hubby has passed this on  too...the fact that he considers friends to be superfluous and non essential.

But I have opened so many doors for him!  He is in soccer, mainstream school, has gone to camp, karate, sports classes, birthday parties, many playdates and open gyms.....at what point is it all my fault? 

I told him to try to pick an ally at school.  Just one.  It is still early in the school year so he has time to find that friend.  Someone to trust outside of this house.  I dearly hope and pray for that despite being a bad role model in terms of keeping friendships alive (as I have failed to do.)

So.............my part in all this is,   my former bff was a party girlfiend.  We boozed and met guys and had a lot of fun.  Enter marriage and respective sons.   The friendship fizzled in a big way.  When said bff was still up for the party, I got engaged and she was NOT happy.  She had lost her party girl buddy....me.  I wanted her to be happy for me but she was sad for herself.  It didn't help that she was married during the whole party scene years and my hubby to be (at the time) despised her for that.  Frankly, no one could understand why she would party to the degree that she did and cheat on her hubby claiming they were "seperated".  I wanted to transition into a more "real" friendship and we just couldn't.

Long story short.  That friendship meant something to me.  Then, her true colors came out.  Hubby said, "I told you so" and now her and I don't speak anymore.   I didn't want to be one of those 40 something women looking lonely, sad, and frankly old in a worn out bar.  She partied when she was married....why couldn't I, she thought?  She wanted to still travel and devote weekends to the girls, why couldn't I??  She and I clearly had different ideas of how to be a loyal partner in a relationship.  I think I could have still been loyal to the friendship had it transitioned into adulthood, quite frankly.

I believe to this day she is still searching for someone to replace her husband.

Oh boy, how did I get on this tangent....?

So, I don't have an entourage of friends.  My inner circle is small and so is the boy's.  I have a hunk of guilt about that, but the reality is, I am a complicated person who is not always easy to be friends with.  I yearn for a female friend being in a house of boys and losing my mom, but no one has seems available.   And, as a mom of an 8 year old with some specific needs, I don't think I am available much either these days.
So, I'll be patient with little man, and it will happen naturally.  Not everyone can have an army of friends and I'd rather have one good solid friend than a bunch of aquaintences.  I won't let him always hide in the "safe house" but winter is coming, and I know all 3 of us tend to do that. 

My boy, my son, will find his way.  I must lead him at times.  Other times, he must lead and show me what he wants in life. And I will teach him the difference between party friends and true blue friends.  And,   I cannot deny we are the best of friends.